I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
