Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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