I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
