You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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