stop calling my apartment porn island.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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