made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
