I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
