what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
