she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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