This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
