I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
