remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
