rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
