addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
