Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
