At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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