I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize