The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
