There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
