I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
