i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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