The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize