Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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