I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
