I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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