Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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