do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
