You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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