Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize