I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
