just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
