That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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