R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
