she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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