I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
