...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
