then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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