Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
