Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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