Buhtt sex?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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