Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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