So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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