fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
