She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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