I heard we made out
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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