Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
