I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
