at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
