I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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