Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
