He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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