sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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