his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
