she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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