Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
