Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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