Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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