What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize