"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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