You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
