Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
