remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
