Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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