Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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