she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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