The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
