He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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