he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
