Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
