can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
