Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
