if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
