Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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