Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
