oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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