She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
